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on March 5, 2014


This is the horrendous side of autism. As we end day 18 in the behavioral health center, he is worse off than when he went in. The pics don’t even do it justice. He has bit himself so much that his arms are black and blue. He has a huge knot on his head from banging it. Docs are hearing about this and a 4th
change to meds will be made, but what next? This is killing me to see him suffer like this. Not looking for sympathy – just awareness. I know that things could be worse and my child could have a life threatening disease or something but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I wish I knew what was going on in his head. What is he thinking and feeling? Are these drugs jacking him up even worse? Does he just want to come home? Is he mad at me for taking him there? Does he miss us? God, I just want him better. I want to go back to goofy stories of him screaming and sneaking feasts for himself at 3am and making messes. I want to hear him turn on my stereo on level 20 at 5am and cuddle up with all his blankets on the vent behind the couch every night at 8:00pm. I just want my boy back. I want autism to GIVE. HIM. BACK.


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